Homicide with rainbow sprinkles

Let’s be honest, if you’re dumb enough to rob an ice cream store, you probably deserve something bad. You may not deserve to die; that was the fate of the robber who got blasted by a South Side Baskin-Robbins manager while sticking up the popsicle stand on Thursday. But you should at least be forced to watch the Blue Collar Comedy Tour on a 10-hour loop with your eyelids pried open a la “A Clockwork Orange.”

As reported by the Richmond Times-Dispatch, this was actually the second time the store was robbed. How much does the typical soft serve ice cream cone cost? $2? $3? Was there no nearby Dollar Store to rob, no panhandler to shakedown? It makes as much sense as doing a couple of home invasions in Amish country, and taking the cattle prod and butter churn to the pawn shop.

Thinking about it just gives me brain freeze.

Fall Movie Preview Poems

Watching movie trailers should be like going to prom with a hot Mormon chick – just the right amount of teasing and not too revealing. See entire fall movie preview

Defending RBlog

As a former editor of Richmond.com, I got my boxer briefs in a bit of a ruffle when I saw the lashing that the River City blog community was giving RBlog and Richmond Magazine for its recent accolade.

Yes, I’m very, very subjective. And yes, there was a good amount of static between the entries at times in Richmond.com's aptly named RBlog. But you would have thought the awarding of RBlog as Best Blog was akin to Marissa Tomei winning an Oscar for "My COusin Vinny" with the blistering sniping it’s receiving.

Sure, RBlog doesn’t spend much time bitching about rogue tow trucks, waxing lyrically on lower back tattoos or oozing tween angst, but I’d like to think that the blog did some unique and fun reporting. Maybe not. You be the judge:

RBlog: Following the Rams

RBlog: The Road to Invention

RBlog: Honing in on Homelessness

Losers Clique in ‘Superbad’

Add “Superbad” to this list of films fit for weekend slackerdom, fraternity row pre-gaming and 30-somethings taking a drunken stumble down memory lane.

Check out the review.

American Dissenter

It’s a shame that a show that mastered the formula for winning reality TV (Over-emotional winner + Snide British judge + Retired boxer who now sells college dorm grilling machines) blew it in one 11th hour faux pas. But when "American Inventor" created a montage of some dorky dude who “invented” customizable remote control cars – and choose “You Raise Me Up” as the song – it was instantly no better than “Temptation Island.”

See more Top Five things on my mind this month (and on the minds of the staff of Richmond.com).

The Cheesecake Sweat Shop

Ever since The Cheesecake Factory plopped down at Short Pump Town Center, people have talked about it like it was free cable TV or a 24/7 happy hour. They praised its lush menu, the fine corporate grub itself, and brushed off the two-hour Disney-esque lines as no big whoop.

I was more impressed by Shaq’s thespian chops in “Kazam.”

The exotic menu included everything from cheeseburgers and pizzas to pastas and chicken sandwiches. In other words, the same fare as the zoo snack bar. And the patrons are crammed into seating tighter than a [insert conservative religious sect here] girl the morning after prom. Prisoners having relations at Richmond City Jail have more privacy.

While the ham and eggers out there might be starry-eyed within walls of The Cheesecake Factory, savvy Richmond diners won’t mistake the chain for what it really is: T.G.I. Fridays dressed in its Sunday best.

Chicken Soup for a Cynic

My Top 5 inspiration quotes….

"The b@#$% set me up!!!"
-- Former Washington, D.C. Mayor Marion Barry
This reminds me that no matter how bad you screw up, there's always someone else to blame. In fact, I believe that's Capital One's mission statement.

"Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences! The bums lost! My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lebowski?"
-- The Big Lewboski
Because everyone has a hippy friend with his hand stuck in your bag of Cheese Doodles.

"2 legit 2 quit"
-- M.C. Hammer
This quote - and the Hammer's ultimate demise - remind me to pay my taxes and limit my entourage.

"Shake it, bake it, just don't fake it. Use it, abuse it, just don't lose it."
-- Ron Jeremy
This would have been my high school yearbook quote, but it didn't match the senior portrait glamour shot of me posed in a half-shirt on my Trans-Am with my dog and guitar by my side.

"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
-- Harry Truman
A quote that offers hope and promise to many of our elected politicians on a daily basis.


See the rest on the Richmond.com Top Five.