Wednesday, October 31, 2007

What about Kucinich?

As faux conservative late show host Stephen Colbert starts to attract some ridiculous poll numbers – I’m not saying this is a bad thing – Democratic candidate Dennis Kucinich is again hanging out at the back of the pack with a measly 1 percent.

Kucinich admits to having seen a UFO. His wife is a F.L.I.L.F. (coined by the “Daily Show”). And when Kucinich was the mayor of Cleveland back in the ‘70s, the local mob put a hit on him. In other words, the guy is F---ING CRAZY.

It seems we had an Electoral College jester in Kucinich before Colbert came around, and one with some political moxy to boot. But straight-shooting, crazy uncle candidates like Kucinich and Mike Gravel somehow can’t lasso the counter culture momentum despite their viral YouTube viral campaign videos and addictive idiosyncrasies a plenty.

The moral? I dunno. If you’re not gonna vote, you might as well vote for one of these daffy bastards. At least they’re fun to watch.

Friday, October 12, 2007

‘Desperate’ Newsmen

Why was this column written in the Richmond Times-Dispatch? Seriously. Why draw attention to this ridiculous situation… (Damn, that’s what I’m doing right now.)

Didn’t the whole Imus affair teach us that no apology is better than a gutless, insincere one. Actually, the radio jock’s nappy-headed rant and this recent, benign poke at Philippine medical schools shouldn’t even be included in the same lame, poorly read blog entry. (Yes, I’m referring to mine.) One line was uttered by a media savvy professional…the other was uttered by the woman who helped 13-year-old boys get through puberty in “The Cool Surface” – Teri Hatcher. (I won’t even mention “The Adventures of Lois and Clark” – damn it, too late.)

Doesn’t Michael Paul Williams have anything else to write about? What about an essay on the recent rash of violence aimed at the River City’s ice cream servers – is there a vanilla connection? Something slamming hockey as racist? Maybe he should be at the Folk Festival counting how many white dudes are dressed up like John Popper from Blues Traveler.

In the meantime, tune in to “Desperate Housewives” next week, when Eva Longoria disparages drag queen brunches by ordering sausage patties, and not links.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

That MySpace hooker has her own show?

You know it’s bad when the most accurate description of someone is a “poor woman’s Cindy Margolis.”

But that’s just exactly who MySpace super-skank Tia Tequila is. Actually, the Web 2.0 diva is much less.

Filthy belly button ring? Check. Ambiguous possibly Asian, possibly South American ethnicity? Check. (She’s from Vietnam.) And oh yeah, bad tattoos? You bet.

And she has a dirty little secret for you and her parents….she’s bi-sexual. Oh snap! With men and women vying for her overflowing flirtations and a chance of a possible mention on “Access Hollywood,” anything can happen….anything that involves a third grade vocabulary and whipped cream. Even Brett Michaels is blushing.

There’s nothing better than scripted reality TV starring social networking whores. Who am I kidding? We’ll all watch it on MTV.