Attack of the AARP!

For some reason, I’m on the mailing list for AARP, and have received multiple invitations to join the illustrious ranks of the organization formerly known as the American Association of Retired Persons, despite my steadfast rebuffs.

I’m only 28.

But you know what, after checking out the 22 benefits members reap, I’m signing up!

If Joyce Hyser could convince an entire high school she was a dude – and a Ralph Macchio doppelganger to boot - in the ‘80s classic “Just One of the Guys,” I should be able to be able to convince a bunch of old people that I’m old, too. Right? Hyser used a short haircut and the old “sock-in-the-jeans” trick to fool her fellow students. I’m thinking all I need is a Buick, “The Father Dowling Mysteries” box set and a heightened level of comfort in museum gift shops.

Seriously though, for a $12.50 one-year subscription, I get hotel and airline discounts, sage age discrimination advice, access to safe-driving courses and a whole lot more. Maybe I can even get Rue McLanahan’s phone number. (I’ll save you a Google search – she played Blanch on “Golden Girls”…Grrrrr!)

I figure my membership will pay itself off after my first trip to St. Petersburg, Florida or Branson, Missouri, alone.