The IRS sent me $37,970.50!? Ooops!

(The following letter is accompanying a voided IRS refund check sent to me in error. Yes, maybe I should have just cashed it and hoped for the best, but I've already lost a thumb war to the Department of the Treasury before..and I'm scared of them.)

Michael Ward Taxpayer, citizen, “America lover”
Richmond, VA 23220

To whom it may concern,

I recently received a tax refund check for $37,970.50. I quickly realized a mistake must have occurred and called the IRS 1-800 phone number to report it. I realize other disonest taxpayers might have deposited the check, grown a mustache and flown to Buenos Ares, or purchased a used Geo Metro and cruise for chicks, but not this responsible citizen.

The check has been voided and is accompanying this very letter. However, I would like to reimbursed for a few things:

• The stamp to mail this letter (39 cents)
• The cell phone air time I used to listen to “The Nutcracker” while waiting on hold to clear up your error. ($2.30)
• And since I wrote this letter on company time, I would like the several minutes worth of my salary reimbursed, so I can forward this to my employer. That’s $5.55.

That totals $8.24. I’ll accept payment by check, Canadian coin, Confederate bonds or New York Mets tickets.

I did want to thank you for the slight feeling of adventure that your accounting error gave me. The thoughts of no longer driving an awful car without A/C, of not buying boxer shorts from Target and of no longer having to use coupons at Shoney’s sent a temporary bolt of electricity through my life.

Instead, I’m left $8.24 in the hole, and with the knowledge that the once infallible Uncle Sam has Huey, Dewey and Luey babysitting his swimming pool of gold. (Please excuse the “Duck Tales” reference.)

With pomp and circumstance,
Michael “Appleseed” Ward